Mexicana

When one talks about their identity, what do people usually say? Their name? Their race? Ethnicity? Gender? But is that really who one really is? It is weird for me to say that I am Mexican, when it’s because I have Mexican blood. What does it mean to be a true Mexican? I have only been to Mexico twice in my life. I hardly know about my country. Just basic facts. And it’s also weird for me to say Mexican American, or just American, because the first one is too long and the second people would usually think of a white person rather than a a young woman with brown eyes and hair with light, tan skin. Or a stereotypical Mexican. And an accent. So what does it mean to be an actual American? Why is it hard to be both? And living in America is different than living in Mexico. Even different than when my parents were my age. So I can’t even compare them. (Not saying that there isn’t any similarities, there are.) If I was from Mexico, than who will I be there? My parents are from two different states with different upbringings as well. People over there have mixed blood from the natives and the Spaniards when they were invaded.  It is weird to wonder about this. Or maybe not. What does it mean to be Mexican? I have no fucken idea. It probably just depends on the person,but, I have been wondering about this for a few years, and I still don’t have an answer. I will ask my parents for their opinion later. For now, soy mexicana.

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The New Year, New Me Bullshit

It’s the end of the first month of 2016, and I wonder  how many people already gave up on on their resolutions. I made some for myself, and so far I’m just hustling by. On e of my resolutions was to post twice a month in my blog since I have been not working on it much last year. And if you think about it, two posts a month isn’t hard. But here I am, on the last day of January, trying to figure out what to post before midnight. I don’t want to give up blogging, so I’m gonna fucken do it right now.

Anyway, I think it’s very unnecessary to wait for a new year to start on something new. To start on a new goal. (Although I shouldn’t be talking since that’s what I basically did, sort of.) I don’t know. It’s better to start on your goal now than later. Even if it’s just baby steps. Either way, there are people who accomplish their resolutions, and that’s awesome. And I think that’s why people do these new year’s resolutions, because they see other people accomplishing them. (Or it’s just business for gyms.) There was a study I read a few weeks ago about new year’s resolutions. I didn’t think of copying the link, so this what I remember about it. Basically a group of people were being tracked throughout the year to see if they accomplish their resolutions. A few gave up by the end of January, and by the end of the year only 4% of the participants accomplished their goals.

For some reason that surprised me. And in a way, I was jealous. I wish i had that kind of motivation. I mean, I do have it, I just haven’t tapped into it yet. Or don’t know how. But it was interesting to me. How did they keep going? What kept them motivated? Or what brought them back when they stopped for a bit?

I am currently taking this social psychology course this semester, and the study reminded me of what I have read so far from the course. According to what I read (I will put a source later), social behaviors have two basic principles:

  1.  Goal Orientedpeople interact with one another to achieve some goal or satisfy some inner motivation.
  2.  Social behaviors represents a continued interaction between the person and the situation.

Hopefully I learn more about this. It’s interesting how people find ways to improve themselves. I think growth in the mind is very important. But to those who are just starting something new or continuing to do so, I wish you guys luck. Especially to those in school, let’s work hard.

Fighting!

 

Darth Vader (Jan. 22nd, 2016)

So this happened a while ago, but I just started this “category.” So yeah.

Anyway, I had this nightmare about Star Wars. It was sort of like the Battlefront game except it was the actual me defending my home from intruders. With a lightsaber. (Actually, that was pretty cool.) I was actually at my old home in Shorewood. At some point I was talking with Rebel troops, particularly Ray, but I couldn’t really hear what she said because another wave of enemies were there. And Darth Vader. So at first when the Stormtroopers arrived in a little ship, and they bascially made an entrance in my bedroom wall, I pushed them away using the Force. But they didn’t go far. I was going to do it again but decided to to save my energy. Darth Vader and his troopers were coming into view, and Vader said something so terrifying that when I woke up, I was still fucken scared. Anyway, in the dream, I felt his bad energy, so I dipped. I ran to my little brother’s room, used the Force to break the window and we got in some sort of pod. We picked up my parents from the lower level of our house and we just left. I didn’t know where my older brother was, but I knew he wasn’t there. It was so fucken scary.

Twenty and Friendless

Yup, that’s right, I’m friendless. Doesn’t it sound so sad? And embarrassing? I mean, I can’t blame anyone for not being my friend. I’m awkward and weird. I don’t drink or party or really like to gossip about others. My social skills suck. There is only one person who I can consider a friend, and it sucks that we go to different schools. But she still likes being with me, and do we do things. And no matter how long we don’t talk, when we do again, it’s like we never stopped. So that’s good,but, she has her own group that she hangs out with. I don’t.

I know some of it is my fault for not making any effort, but I have my reasons and experiences of why I had developed this fear. Ever since I turned twenty, I’ve just been wanting to connect more with people. To do things with people.I want to make an effort.  So, I did what every other twenty- year old who doesn’t have any friends (or anything else to do), and decided to ask Google what to do..

Screenshot_2015-11-13-19-50-522nd

Hey, I was curious. It sucks feeling like you’re the only one. Thankfully I’m not. I clicked on the first link, and it was about a girl in college who wants to socialize, but is too shy or lacks the social skills to go out. What made it worse was that her roommates had their own personal problems that enabled them to want to go out. After she told her story, a doctor from the website diagnosed her with depression and social anxiety disorder. (Not sure if maybe that’s what I have, or everyone else who questions their lack of friends. Who knows?) He also gave her a few tips, and I really liked the last two. 3rd

The comments below from other users are also very encouraging. This was published back in 2008, so I hope whatever happened to this person turned out to be good. I hope she is now happy.

The second link I clicked was from Yahoo! It’s a more recent one. It’s was basically the same thing as the last, and the most helpful advice I thought was from Jim.

4th5th6th

I know maybe some of you don’t have time to join clubs or other activities. Maybe the only social life you have is at work with your co-workers. And that’s OK too. (I have that as well, though we’re not as close to hanging out yet, but we’re getting there.) Honestly, I like hanging out with my co-workers outside of work because we’re just more connected. When I worked at Dairy Queen, the oldest was our supervisor who was twenty- five, so it was pretty cool when we all hanged out together. We all hanged out a lot, and it made work not feel like work.

I found another link five good tips about making friends. (Yes, it sounds sad to admit, but I truly need tips.) So if you would like to check the link: 5 Things Every 20-Year-Old Should Know About Making Friends . But in case you need a summary, the author, David Morin, suggests that:

  1. Small talk has big benefits.
  2. Share time pursing shared interests.
  3. Make friends with the people you want to be like.
  4. Making friends it a long-term investment.
  5. Never try to prove yourself.

Along with that, if you’re in school, try to join clubs or volunteer in things that you enjoy. It’s also good to have a positive attitude as well. We should never lose hope when we feel so low, even if it does feel like you don’t have any left, you do. Or else you wouldn’t keep on moving. It’s ok to be picky too, of who you want to be friends with. You shouldn’t waste your time with people who don’t respect you, or don’t do anything productive, or who spend most of their time on social websites. There is more than that. But also know that people come and go, it’s not always bad. Especially if you guys had great times. But sometimes people need to go their own ways. And you too.

So whatever happens, you will get through it. You will never be alone. I wish you all luck. And hope for the best.

Fighting!

Bookcase

Beautiful.

dragonflyinthestorm

books
She has a bookcase
Labeled “The Heartbreaks”
One shelf wasn’t enough
She wishes it was, for her sake

There are four different shelves
One for each genre of the hurt
Each in order of intensity
From sadness to anger to absurd

One shelf is for small aches
The quick ones that didn’t sting
Not as bad as the rest
They didn’t really mean a thing

One is for the long loves
The ones she always regrets
One is for the men who hurt her
But didn’t care or even fret

One is for the hurt she solely caused
Those were so unfair
She hates how horrible she was
Leaving both parties in despair

Most of the books are unfinished
She will never open their covers again
Some have empty pages near the back
Those she knows may never end

The ones without endings
Are because she hopes one day to…

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Dafuq Am I Doing?

(Florence And the Machine in the background.)

As the title implies, I have been asking myself this mostly everyday since last month, which is why I haven’t posted shit in my other blogs. A month into the semester, and I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do or really cared anymore. Well, the thing is that after the first week of school, I dropped two classes. One was a psychology class and the other an art class. For some reason, I was very scared. And bored. I started to skip those classes, so I thought it would be better to drop them before the drop date (regret taking them). I chose instead to take another anthropology class, or cultural anthropology. And it is an online class, which is pretty cool, I don’t really have to worry about attending class. Not bad at all.

In another post that I did, in an other website ( http://untitleduntilotherwise.blogspot.com/2015/07/i-want-to-be-this-this-and-this.html ) I listed majors/ posible career paths I was interested. And as I mention in that post, my first list was very, very long. But I was able to shrink it down a good notch. A few weeks ago, I changed it again, but not much.

  • Mechanical Engineer
  • Cafe/ Book/ Bar Owner
  • Graphic Novelist
  • Author
  • Anthropologist/ Sociologist Major

Not all of them are exactly majors, some are just projects that I will do if I decide not to pursue school anymore. Or do while I’m attending school.  I got rid of Auto Mechanic and something with music because even though they are interesting, I do not have the passion to pursue them. And that is what one needs. The passion and dedication. Love what you do, do what what you love, as they say. There was a book I read recently called “Heart, Smarts, Guts, and Luck” by Anthony K. Tjan, Richard J. Harrington and Tsun-Yan Hsieh, and it’s about how to become a better entrepreneur, one needs heart, smarts, guts, and luck. I forgot what else they talked about, but the one piece of advice I do remember is to not fall in love with an idea you thought of in the heat of the moment. For example, in my last list I put Auto Mechanic only because I was having some car issues, and it just frustrated me so much because of money and shit, that I just wished I knew how to fix my car myself. Don’t pursue something you are not too sure about. I recommend the book though, it’s amazing!

I ran into an old friend from high school the other day, and I told her how undecided I was about choosing a major. She said she was also like that, except she just decided to just pick something and stick with it. So that’s it, just pick and stick. Or pick it and stick it. That encouraged my decision to pursue a degree in Anthropology/Sociology at North Central College in Naperville. (My reason for this major I will post some other time.) I want to do both, so I was very lucky to find a program very close to home. And so far that’s what I’m doing. I already got accepted to the college,I’m just filling out papers and working to pay off fees. All I have to do now is just pass the courses I’m taking at JJC.

Does it seem like I’m doing well? I don’t fucken know, man. I still ask myself, but I’m still going through with it.

I hope for the best though. I pray that everything will be alright. Good things always happen, even if it doesn’t seem like it at first. Until then, fighting!

Not Much of an Introduction

(Florence and the Machine playing the background)

Hi. I don’t really know what to say. This is, like, the third website I will be attempting to start a blog in. Does that mean anything?

Anyway, my name is Selena. Or you can call me Nina. Or Nae nae or Shanae Nae. Me vale. I like to write, a lot. I am still figuring out what to do with this skill. I’m still trying to figure out a lot of things. But for now know that I’m new to all this, and I fuck up a lot so tips would be appreciated. (And I am shy at first, but I will open up more later.) And this is really what I want my writing/blogging to be about. Not everyone knows what to do with their life. Especially those who are just starting out adulthood (like moi). So yeah, that’s it for now. Until then, fighting!